The Product of Passivity

In my hopes to understand my self, my behavior, my being, my way of living, my way of seeing and understanding the world, I have embarked on a journey of self analysis. This requires looking back to move forward. One of the "things" that have been detrimental in my life is the "p" word, and I do not mean pussy (girls have been detrimental at time too). Actually, that word works as well, for I have been a pussy at several important moments in my life. I have been passive in letting things happen to me rather than being assertive in my life. And everything matters, big and small, as you construct your own ethos for living. And my passivity has crippled my confidence in many settings, only to be reinforced with each moment passed without assertive reaction.

I do not believe in new year resolutions, I understand that the "new" in new year is a symbolic moment ripe for renewal or rebirth or whatever, but it is silly to wait, if you are ready, then begin, regardless of the calendar. My plan for this day forward is to be more assertive in my life, this does not mean being an asshole, but rather giving my self the value I deserve and moving forward in life as an active participant.

I have a good first test in a couple of hours, as my first staff meeting at Illinois is today and two of my so-called team members have been quietly angling for cushy positions with my boss, I intend, I expect, to speak up for my self as well as address several past incidents that were complete bullshit but never addressed as such. A good first test, I will let you know my score.