Revenge (Imagined)

Now that I have tried to make myself feel better through some favorite things, I thought I might indulge my darker side and consider a few practices that I would like to initiate.

Provide selected members of Congress with a personalized butt plug and a Wookalar to help them insert it sans lubricant. It’s the American Way!

Introduce my grumpy neighbor to the Feces of the Week Club courtesy of my dogs. There is nothing like throwing bags of dog poop onto someone’s roof to start the week off right.

Make the executives at major recording labels and movie studies sit through a marathon of their most insipid cultural products. Bathroom breaks are only given when they are begging for forgiveness from consumers.

Use my dormant magic powers to disable the engines of the cars that speed through stop signs near my house.

Make all presidential candidates have their speeches dissected by a qualified rhetorician so that the offending candidates must explain and correct the fallacies, tautologies, and empty promises from which their speeches are constructed.