Inappropriate Commercials and Consumer Products

Now that we have left cultural prescriptions for coupling and romance behind, I would like to offer a list of commercials and consumer products that we are not likely to see, and for good reason.

State or Highway Patrol Official flasks. Each container for spirits comes painted in the law enforcement agency’s official colors. Sobriety tests are sold separately.

The officially licensed anal beads of the Vatican. These handy (pun intended) items can double as rosary beads when the family is visiting.

Keith Richard’s workout routine.

Iggy Pop’s line of formal wear.

O.J. Simpson selling steak knives on television. The ad begins with O.J. “rushing” to a friend’s steak dinner where, shock, they have inappropriate cutlery.

Madonna’s songwriting workshop.